Destination or Journey? Moving Past Either/Or Thinking Into Both/And

I stood at the front of a college classroom filled with students in their final semester—on the edge of everything.

Some were animated, leaning into conversations at their tables. Others stared down, exhausted or disengaged. And many—perhaps most—were absorbed in their phones, disconnected from the moment entirely.

I was introduced as the guest speaker. I stepped forward, looked out over the room, and made a simple request:

“If you have a clear idea of where you’ll be and what you’ll be doing in ten years—stand up.”

Silence.

A few students stood quickly. Then a few more. Eventually, about half the room was on its feet. Then came a pause—thick, uncomfortable, revealing.

Those still seated faced a quiet, internal question:

Do I stand with the crowd… or admit I don’t know?

I knew that feeling. I had been that person—unsure, uneasy, cringing when asked what I planned to do with my life.

In the end, a handful remained seated. Heads down. Avoiding eye contact. Honest.

As we talked, familiar patterns emerged.

Those standing spoke with certainty—jobs secured, cities chosen, lives mapped out. Some even had timelines: work hard for five years, partner by year eight, family by year nine.

Those seated were at a crossroads. Some carried degrees they didn’t choose. Others faced uncertain job markets. Many simply weren’t ready to leave the safety of campus for the ambiguity of adulthood.

I thanked them and offered a truth for both groups:

• Those with grand plans will likely discover that life doesn’t follow them. Jobs disappear. Love arrives early. The world shifts. Plans unravel.

• Those without a plan will find their way. They may wander. They may feel lost. But each detour, each misstep, teaches—if they are willing to listen.

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My Story: I’ve been a meanderer.

It took me years to find my calling, build meaningful relationships, and craft a career aligned with my values and strengths. My path wasn’t linear—it was full of dead ends, pivots, and hard-earned insights.

And yet, it led somewhere real. I’m doing work I am both well-suited for and that I believe matters. I am surrounded by wonderful people. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn good.

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Meandering Is Countercultural

Face it: We live in a results-driven culture. We are expected to set goals, define outcomes, and articulate clear plans. The destination dominates. We’re taught that happiness lives there—in the job, the partner, the house, the bank account. Until then, we grind. We fear detours. We resist uncertainty. We cling to the illusion of a clear endpoint.

And yet, experience—and research—suggests something different.

When we arrive, it often feels… flat. The bank balance grows, but it’s never enough. The dream job loses its shine. The relationship meets reality.

We find ourselves asking:

“Is this all there is?”

In chasing the destination, we miss the journey.

“Plans are neat. Life is not.”

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What If It’s Both?

There’s a middle ground between rigid goal-chasing and aimless wandering.

What if you had a direction—but allowed for detours?

What if you moved with intention—but stayed open to surprise?

• Destination thinking gives us direction.

• Journey thinking allows us to experience life as it unfolds.

“Clarity is often something we earn, not something we start with.”

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A Simple Example

I often travel between coastal North Carolina and the Midwest—a 12-hour drive.

Sometimes, it’s all about the destination: early start, minimal stops, push straight through.

Other times, we slow down. Split the trip. Explore the mountains. Take it in.

Neither approach is right or wrong.

But each creates a completely different experience.

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Blending Both

A purely destination-driven life becomes transactional: work hard, defer joy, stay focused.

A purely meandering life risks stagnation or circular wandering.

But together?

You aim toward something while allowing yourself to evolve along the way.

Because as you move forward:

• You learn more about yourself

• Your true goals become clearer

• Life inevitably intervenes, but you take detours in stride

• You shape your life to the current reality rather than something your 20-year-old self envisioned

“The path reveals itself to those willing to walk it.”

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What I’ve Learned

After a lifetime of both striving and wandering, here’s what I believe:

• You need a direction—even if it’s vague.

• You must recalibrate as you grow and change.

• You cannot keep deferring your life until “someday.”

• You must see missteps not as failures, but as part of the path.

“You don’t need to have your life figured out. You just need to be willing to live it.”

So where are you right now—standing with a plan, or sitting with uncertainty?

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